Marriage (one woman's opinion)

Marriage
Is the difficulty of giving up what you'd like to do
and feeling less yourself
and a woman
often becomes less herself
in order to become more a woman

To a woman marriage
is a protection
for her who cannot afford the high price
and the high risk
of living with her own identity

Zurinah Hassan



This poem appeals to me as amid all the hooha about failed marriages and misyar marriages, sometimes we tend to forget that marriage comes at a price especially for Malay women. While this is still only one woman's opinion, it may be shared by others though men sometimes feel that this is a negative view of marriage. I feel it all depends on the relationship - if it'sone that encourages and support mutual growth, nurturing and loving, then ok, this view of marriage doesnt apply. But many Malay marriages I know, the wife sacrifices so much and manages her household[ juggling career needs and children all to make sure husband is fed, house is orderly, children organised and man of the house's needs are met. I don't see the same sort of focus on the spouse's happiness or comfort or family given by Malay men. Their focus seem to be more inward, their satisfaction and needs supercede that of the spouse. A generalization perhaps - but there is a lot of truth in it. People talk abt ' wanita melayu terakhir' or the 'last Malay woman..' . I wonder whether there is a true Malay man out there would prove this hypothesis untrue. I have met exceptions and they are truly exceptional men, very comfortable in their skin, devoted to their wives and family. Not perfect but true to the tenets of why marriage is enjoined in Islam as a completion of each other, ' to wear each other' and family is all important. 'Marriage' espouses one hypothesis i wish would be proven untrue..