To Thine Ownself Be True

Easier said than done. What is oneself? To what extent does one know oneself? I ask myself that question everyday. The choices I make in my life are ruled by what I feel is right for me, what I am comfortable doing and saying. Going out of my comfort zone, going out on a limb, doing something out of character – to what extent is that being true to myself. I guess it depends on whether the self I’ve shown to the world all this while is my true self- do I do what I do because I have to or because I want to. Is there another side of me that I suppress, hide and deny its existence even to myself… the side that would love to dance and sing and laugh out loud, crack silly jokes, call up someone and ask them out, pack a bag and go serve in Aceh or somewhere in Africa, in other words follow the murmurings of one’s heart or stay and carry out one’s responsibilities responsibly.

Problem is, I can’t remember punchlines to save my life, can carry a tune but can’t quite dance and am not exactly immune to rejection… I have children who need me, who need to look up to me, need to see me stable and predictable and Africa is so far away,…

So what is within me – that need to love and be loved - has to be fulfilled by what is within my boundaries, within the zone that is permissible..within my own conscience. Only then will I be true to myself? I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror, I need to be able to face God and those I love.

As long as the choices I make are what I want and not dictated by what others want out of me, as long as I don’t allow myself to be used or manipulated by those around me, not change what is good in myself for the sake of others or sell myself short – I will remain true to myself.

Terry, thank u for sharing ur wisdom with me.