The Awkward Age

I'll be 45 in a day/s time and hopefully I will have passed this awkward age of 44 plus.This past few years after I reached the big 40, I waited for my life to begin as it was supposed to - people say so anyway..but it didnt, not in the way I imagined. It was only when I took my life and shook it by scruff of its neck, that it truly began. This past year, I've been ironing out the kinks, preparing myself for a huge step that I will take next month - leaving my comfort zone for new adventures elsewhere to begin "life anew" as a friend pointed out. I tell people I'm leaving for financial reasons but those perceptive enough ask me what's the real deal, as "I'm not the money type". After all 18 years is a long time to be a civil servant and to leave it for the bright beckoning lights of the corporate sector, seemed more a belated move if I really were the 'money type'. I made the decision based on the simple fact of whether I could continue to be of use to my organization and the answer was no. At least that was the situation six months ago when I made the decision to apply and send my CV. Now though, just as it seems I can make a difference again, I leave. I'm told to look at it this way - I'm tossing seeds of ideas and concepts here and there. Hopefully, some will germinate. I have to move on to a new field and plant and grow new seeds. This time God Willing, I will be able to see them through treehood. Looking back over the past eighteen years, I like to think that I made a difference in my own small way to this world of education that i love so much. It's a noble profession with pure objectives and the struggle to bring change, improvements and new technology was worthwhile and rewarding in itself. But when the opportunities dried up and operating covertly took its toll, I started to suffocate. This time I did somthing abt it after almost five months instead of waiting ten years like before. I looked for a place and found it and they actually wanted me! This past eighteen months both the first and second half, I can feel the awkwardness drain out of me as I stopped vacillating abt my choices and chose!There is a clarity and a courage to say what is right and follow it up with action. I'm anti NATO (no action, talk only). I say goodbye to the first half of being an early fortysomething and embrace its second half. Minus the second-guessing and dithering, I like to think I'm a better and more stable woman - who is at ease with others and comfortable in her own skin.

Tq K for getting me thru this awkward age ;)

13 June 2007