Good days and Bad Days

Is life meant to be lived moment by moment? I have learnt to savour positive moments in my life as it unfolds and take little snapshots of an expression on my children's faces, as they argue or joke with each other, a look on a friend's face engrossed in conversation, a hug freely given and received... a sunset over the water, a hermit crab scuttling on the sand, the sight of the sarawak river winding gracefully amid abackground of clouds and mountain..moments that cleanse the soul of past moments - both bitter and painful

An sms conversation that banishes loneliness, a brief encounter that's filled with promise and uncertainty..more questions than answers. a friend's comfort and laughter. moments that seem to contain hope.. Amid the hope and uncertainty, reality intervenes..images of tragedy and destruction.. the pain and suffering of those who have lost loved ones under tragic circumstances.. what do we do? how can it affect them? we just do what we can - through prayer and money and self? that's a choice we make. But the good moments , the good days carries us through the bad days.. As long as hope continues to perch in the soul.. we can treasure our good moments - our blessings - simplistic but necessary when the immediate future seems hazy, filled with challenges and promise.

Marriage (one woman's opinion)

Marriage
Is the difficulty of giving up what you'd like to do
and feeling less yourself
and a woman
often becomes less herself
in order to become more a woman

To a woman marriage
is a protection
for her who cannot afford the high price
and the high risk
of living with her own identity

Zurinah Hassan



This poem appeals to me as amid all the hooha about failed marriages and misyar marriages, sometimes we tend to forget that marriage comes at a price especially for Malay women. While this is still only one woman's opinion, it may be shared by others though men sometimes feel that this is a negative view of marriage. I feel it all depends on the relationship - if it'sone that encourages and support mutual growth, nurturing and loving, then ok, this view of marriage doesnt apply. But many Malay marriages I know, the wife sacrifices so much and manages her household[ juggling career needs and children all to make sure husband is fed, house is orderly, children organised and man of the house's needs are met. I don't see the same sort of focus on the spouse's happiness or comfort or family given by Malay men. Their focus seem to be more inward, their satisfaction and needs supercede that of the spouse. A generalization perhaps - but there is a lot of truth in it. People talk abt ' wanita melayu terakhir' or the 'last Malay woman..' . I wonder whether there is a true Malay man out there would prove this hypothesis untrue. I have met exceptions and they are truly exceptional men, very comfortable in their skin, devoted to their wives and family. Not perfect but true to the tenets of why marriage is enjoined in Islam as a completion of each other, ' to wear each other' and family is all important. 'Marriage' espouses one hypothesis i wish would be proven untrue..

Lessons

Where there once was trust - the sting of betrayal takes its place
Where there was hope - disillusion abound
Where there should be courage - now only fear exist

Then came a ray of light,
bringing warmth and hope
to a shrivelled heart

Open the door
Let the light in
Hope and courage
come on over

but fear stays the hand
feeds the doubts
the memories of the betrayal
clouds judgement
and shuts the door

it's dark again
the expanding heart
shrinks again
despairing
of continually repeating
the pattern
allowing fear , doubt and pain
to rule

no way back
the light is gone
but a spark is lit
from the depths of the heart
from the hope that lingers
from the memories
of the warmth
and brightness of the light

Have faith
Heed the lesson
Stay the hand
Feed the hope
The heart shall receive


6 May 2006
SJ