To Thine Ownself Be True

Easier said than done. What is oneself? To what extent does one know oneself? I ask myself that question everyday. The choices I make in my life are ruled by what I feel is right for me, what I am comfortable doing and saying. Going out of my comfort zone, going out on a limb, doing something out of character – to what extent is that being true to myself. I guess it depends on whether the self I’ve shown to the world all this while is my true self- do I do what I do because I have to or because I want to. Is there another side of me that I suppress, hide and deny its existence even to myself… the side that would love to dance and sing and laugh out loud, crack silly jokes, call up someone and ask them out, pack a bag and go serve in Aceh or somewhere in Africa, in other words follow the murmurings of one’s heart or stay and carry out one’s responsibilities responsibly.

Problem is, I can’t remember punchlines to save my life, can carry a tune but can’t quite dance and am not exactly immune to rejection… I have children who need me, who need to look up to me, need to see me stable and predictable and Africa is so far away,…

So what is within me – that need to love and be loved - has to be fulfilled by what is within my boundaries, within the zone that is permissible..within my own conscience. Only then will I be true to myself? I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror, I need to be able to face God and those I love.

As long as the choices I make are what I want and not dictated by what others want out of me, as long as I don’t allow myself to be used or manipulated by those around me, not change what is good in myself for the sake of others or sell myself short – I will remain true to myself.

Terry, thank u for sharing ur wisdom with me.

Fathers and Daughters

Fathers and Daughters


I adored my father and he loved me unconditionally. His approval and
encouragement gave me confidence to speak my mind, to believe in
myself and and my abilities. I thought he would love me enough to
accept the man I chose for a husband and he did against his better
judgement. My husband was good to me and my family throughout the
marriage when my father was alive. When my father passed away (I was
married for 14 years then), problems emerged consistently that ended in
breakup of our 23 yr marriage.

I have a 19 year old daughter who saw what I went through trying to
keep the marriage going for as long as I did. As the only daughter,
she adored her father and refused to believe at first that her father
was capable of hurting me and the family the way he did - she was so
young then just 10. Once she grew up and saw him for what he was doing
to me and the family, she became my strength and supported me
throughout the separation and divorce. She didn't become disillusioned
with men, instead fell in love three years ago and is still in love
with a nice boy who is the opposite of her father. She did well in
school and is doing well in college.

I sometimes wonder what I did right in my life to deserve a daughter
like her. She treats her father with civility and equanimity so that
he will continue to take responsibility for her siblings and her. She
treats me with love and respect and is as protective of me as I am of
her. For one so young, she has managed to find that balance between
love and need for approval in the relationship she has with her father
- she loves him but does not need his approval for her own
self-belief.


We live and learn from each other…